Micah Russell
March 2016

Allow me, if you will, to recount my earliest recollection. I am not particularly sure that my first memory, as is typical I think of most people, is real or fabricated. Surely creative license has been taken in recounting it, regardless:

I tastefeel — it's like fondling a perfectly proportioned ball of snot with your tongue and your hands. It is somehow hard and viscous at the same time, this soft sphere that I both feel and taste, yet it doesn't exist and neither does my tongue, then all of a sudden I lose all capacity to feel for a time. 

I float, flying breathlessly without any encouragement. I am imper-vious to any force. I reign in my stoic kingdom like a fragile statue. I swim in soup, carefree and taciturn. It's so comfortable in fact that I fall asleep.

It is so quiet, so so quiet like the inside of a mountain. The peace is practically forced upon my ears like a noise in of itself, a pressure that is inaudible, until I'm gone again from existence. 

My whole being rocks back and forth with throbbing. I did not not-ice it originally because it felt like my own movement. My body can-not listen to itself except where it interferes with an outside material and perhaps that is why the silence was so complete — I was ig-noring the constant beat that feeds me life, breathing into my lungs and giving me sustenance, but I'm losing thought again. 

One day I notice the throbbing emanating from two distinct amp-lifiers. One comes from heaven above, a signal of protection and care. The second keeps time with the first coming from somewhere within me. This realization gives me such excitement. I can't ima-gine what I'll do when I wake up next time.

Come to find out this world is round. I will find dwelling here for some time I imagine. If I reach out with my feet I can touch the edge of the horizon. It is both a soft and a firm boundary. If I press just right my whole body shifts into a new position so that my bones can rest from what is fast becoming a cramped space. And if I jostle my feet just a little more the world turns upside down. But my energy gives out too quickly, tranquilized by some unknown force. It stops me from starting my adventure prematurely.

When I wake up I'm at it again, flipping, corkscrewing and jumping. I feel safe to try any feat, any daring movement or action. There are no sharp points in my room, I see no strangers to judge, nor prying eyes to criticize. Then I feel a little pain about my body. I've been trapped and bound by some string. I black out in a fit of ecstasy in spite of the pain. 

Two throbbing heartbeats dissipate into one as a searing white light not only blinds my eyes but fries my tender skin. My body has been ripped apart into two unviable masses. Oh I am in so much pain! I cry desperately from lost comfort. What anguish I am in! I do not know what to think as I suddenly encounter countless new em-otions and feelings and now cannot go back to sleep. The biting air whips my skin raw. My body was reared in a soft and fragile king-dom, not this harsh and solid abyss. Not only does it expand out in front of me but also in all directions. And the pain continues! I move my eyes about, unsure of what I am seeing. All is white. A shade of blue is a shimmering furnace in front of me and then disappears. I continue to cry and move my eyes about feverishly. Until I see her. 

She is my goddess. I look into her shining orbs of eternal light. They are just as fixated on mine as mine are to hers. She radiates the love that I yearn for, wrapping me in warm robes of soft silk! She smells of the finest lavender and cream and feels like the embrace of both the sun and the clouds. I am hers forever. In her arms I feel whole again.

First memory/birth